Who will win?
After I delivered my son (Kade) we were packing and preparing to leave the hospital. We dressed our new little baby in the outfit that we picked and had prepared for when the time came. I remember dressing our little boy and thinking that no one told me that even though clothes are labeled “Newborn” That it doesn’t mean they fit all newborns. I was discouraged that the outfit didn’t fit just right. But, they came to release us anyways and My husband and I just stood there with a packed up baby and we were like….”So, we just, um, take him?” I was strangely bewildered that I was just going to take the baby out of the hospital and they were going to let me. What was I going to do with him? At that moment I was afraid. I mean I was raised around a lot of babies. Grew up my whole life knowing I was going to have a gaggle of kids. I was educated, responsible and had a good job. And, yet nothing could prepare me for the moment we became solely responsible for the care of another person.
Eighteen months later, I felt the same way again. Our precious boy was not developing the way he should. I mean I felt that I had done everything a good parent should. New clothes and lots of educational toys. Lots of tummy time and playtime, rice cereal and baby foods at the right age. Breastfeeding, a good schedule, lots of stroller rides to the park, bed time reading since he was a month old and yet….something was wrong. We thought that Kade was just quiet, we thought he was quirky and just chose to ignore us half the time. I mean he met his milestones on time and was healthy…what could possibly be wrong with our perfect son! Kade got tested and then we knew….They called it Developmental Delay, Sensory integration disorder, speech delay… But, in the end…It was Autism. Yes, we felt guilty. Yes, I cried. Yes, it was hard to deal with. Yes, I prayed they were wrong. And, NO, we were not going to give up without a fight.
I see things differently now since Kade was born, because of Kade. I see that everything has a “Label” but it doesn’t always fit. Nothing fits just right but, it’s how you make it fit. There are moments that fear can become overwhelming. But, you can’t let it take the wheel and steer. Now, I have learned that responsibility of another person comes to mean even more when that person depends solely on you to help them fight to get better.
Kade is Four years old now. I quit my job last year to take Kade to all of his Therapy and Preschool. We have fought a hard and relentless battle. We have struggled and prayed for improvements. We have read articles, joined support groups, gone to specialized parent training, read books, investigated biomedical treatments, and seen many Developmental Pediatricians. It is all worth it! Not just for Kade. But, that maybe our child could be another one that fights Autism and wins. That we didn’t give up without trying. That we never stopped pushing Autism out of our lives. I pray for my son to get better everyday. Somehow, I just know that if we work hard enough Kade will get better. Never stop believing in your own hard work. Don’t ever stop believing in miracles. I am my sons best advocate, his best speech therapist, his best teacher. I will never stop. Autism will not beat Kade, it will not beat me. It will not beat you. You can’t let it.
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